...so i touched it.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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