Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
this just has baby written all over it
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
