I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
