I am in a vortex of obligation.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
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He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
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You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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