A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
