your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
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Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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