My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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