I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize