I wish I could teleport
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just threw up on my dentist
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
