Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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