I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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