what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
