I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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