I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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