In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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