sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
