Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Randomize
