I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
