are you so shy because you have an std?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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