Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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