3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
