woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
