Kiss
Puke
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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