someone threw a dead crab at me
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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