My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
