If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
What drink are we having for lunch?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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