the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I AM VODKA MAN
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
