your parents love me but you hate me
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
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