I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
