i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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