im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car