Texts From Last Night

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  (512): View more from Texas

  i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy

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  (512): i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy http://tfl.nu/sv21
  Replies (3) Good night (682) Bad night (1809)
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  (517): View more from Michigan

  I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.

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  (517): I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans. http://tfl.nu/ad7f
  Replies (8) Good night (850) Bad night (3409)
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  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.

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  (832): I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes. http://tfl.nu/wfe6
  Replies (34) Good night (700) Bad night (4288)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.

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  (412): Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record. http://tfl.nu/e6sm
  Replies (8) Good night (4750) Bad night (810)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.

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  (207): I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something. http://tfl.nu/x6k7
  Replies (21) Good night (6734) Bad night (896)
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  (714): View more from California

  im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me

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  (714): im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me http://tfl.nu/k37i
  Replies (8) Good night (3464) Bad night (672)
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  (608): View more from Wisconsin

  I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.

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  (608): I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here. http://tfl.nu/1bbr
  Replies (17) Good night (1112) Bad night (2743)
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  (845): View more from New York

  I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting

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  (845): I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting http://tfl.nu/p4gt
  Replies (14) Good night (6498) Bad night (1041)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned

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  (847): He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned http://tfl.nu/f6cf
  Replies (14) Good night (2757) Bad night (1462)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".

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  (647): A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe". http://tfl.nu/rgh4
  Replies (6) Good night (1234) Bad night (1937)
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  (510): View more from California

  she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong

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  (510): she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong http://tfl.nu/3blf
  Replies (10) Good night (4259) Bad night (813)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.

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  (218): You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears. http://tfl.nu/cuw5
  Replies (24) Good night (4136) Bad night (683)
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  (229): View more from Georgia

  I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.

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  (229): I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday. http://tfl.nu/rrz0
  Replies (3) Good night (1630) Bad night (455)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You made out with two different species that night

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  (508): You made out with two different species that night http://tfl.nu/gvcb
  Replies (8) Good night (493) Bad night (1336)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.

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  (334): I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local. http://tfl.nu/qrkd
  Replies (2) Good night (327) Bad night (178)

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