The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
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We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
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I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle