did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
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