Texts From Last Night

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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized

  (914): View more from New York

  No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."

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  (508): Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized (914): No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes." http://tfl.nu/s64m
  Replies (23) Good night (3350) Bad night (880)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.

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  (319): The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me. http://tfl.nu/ughv
  Replies (3) Good night (1076) Bad night (2880)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  new low.... made out with someone while peeing

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  (908): new low.... made out with someone while peeing http://tfl.nu/2bcc
  Replies (12) Good night (1291) Bad night (4228)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around

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  (407): he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around http://tfl.nu/8mq7
  Replies (21) Good night (3736) Bad night (808)
• Favorite

  (952): View more from Minnesota

  Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.

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  (952): Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages. http://tfl.nu/1djk
  Replies (27) Good night (1390) Bad night (7375)
• Favorite

  (870): View more from Arkansas

  Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?

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  (870): Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask? http://tfl.nu/y41y
  Replies (17) Good night (6345) Bad night (1057)
• Favorite

  (630): View more from Illinois

  Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.

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  (630): Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head. http://tfl.nu/xpy4
  Replies (9) Good night (2255) Bad night (1123)
• Favorite

  (720): View more from Colorado

  I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.

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  (720): I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony. http://tfl.nu/wqpi
  Replies (15) Good night (2629) Bad night (1166)
• Favorite

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...

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  (270): What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me... http://tfl.nu/bzfn
  Replies (4) Good night (781) Bad night (443)
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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.

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  (202): A big toe in my vag is not foreplay. http://tfl.nu/p4zv
  Replies (13) Good night (542) Bad night (1950)
• Favorite

  (647): View more from Ontario

  Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm

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  (647): Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm http://tfl.nu/f115
  Replies (5) Good night (580) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.

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  (860): I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum. http://tfl.nu/q7aq
  Replies (0) Good night (646) Bad night (402)
• Favorite

  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?

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  (+44): i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love? http://tfl.nu/u8h5
  Replies (2) Good night (734) Bad night (320)
• Favorite

  (716): View more from New York

  Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.

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  (716): Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk. http://tfl.nu/8ftw
  Replies (2) Good night (560) Bad night (235)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair

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  (404): I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair http://tfl.nu/1jtt
  Replies (0) Good night (333) Bad night (154)

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