Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.