Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
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He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach