so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
