Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
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The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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