..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Randomize
