so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
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I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
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I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
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