Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
