I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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