Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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