i would punch a child for taco bell
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize