sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
