He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Your penis caused this!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
