just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
