my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
