sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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