every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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