eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
