It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Randomize
