How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize