Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
