i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
