This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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