Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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