I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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