Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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