she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
