he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
