what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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