But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Randomize
