Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
