the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
