i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
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