Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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