If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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