i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Randomize
