Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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