lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
There are leaves in my underwear?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
