Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
