So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
These 23 People Are Living Shocking Lies
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
The 17 Absolute Worst Divorces Imaginable
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect