How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
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All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
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I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration