Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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