does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.